Reflection 22: Learning to Lead - Like God Our Father

What it means to be a father is something I didn’t really think about growing up.

My dad was focused on his job, his career, and providing financially for our family. And to be fair, that matters. Providing is part of fatherhood. But it wasn’t until after my parents divorced that I began to realize how little of a relationship I actually had with him. We played sometimes. We hung out occasionally. But I never felt deeply known. I never felt spiritually led.

Looking back, I can see how much that shaped me.

For many of us, our earthly father becomes our first lens for understanding God the Father. Not perfectly, but powerfully. If our dad was distant, God can feel distant. If our dad was harsh, God can feel harsh. If our dad was absent, it can be hard to believe God is present.

Over time, communication between my dad and me became strained. Distance grew. And as I’ve reflected more as an adult, I can see how the tension between my parents influenced that distance. I don’t believe my mom intentionally tried to damage our relationship, but unresolved hurt has a way of seeping into tone, comments, and attitudes. As kids, we absorb more than we realize.

It wasn’t until I became a father myself that all of this surfaced.

Holding my own child forced me to confront the resentment I had built toward my dad. And once I began unpacking that, I also had to wrestle with forgiveness toward my mom. That process wasn’t quick or easy. It took prayer. It took humility. It took asking God to show me where my heart had hardened.

But here’s what I’ve learned: God the Father is not a projection of our earthly father. He is the perfection of fatherhood.

To lead like God our Father means we lead with presence before performance. Relationship before results. Formation before financial success.

God the Father is attentive. He listens. He corrects with love. He disciplines without humiliation. He provides not only materially, but spiritually and emotionally. He does not compete for our affection. He invites it. He does not withdraw when we fail. He pursues us.

That’s the model.

As fathers, we are called to reflect that heart in our homes.

Leading our family does not primarily mean controlling outcomes or making all the decisions. It means setting the spiritual temperature of the house. It means being the first to apologize. The first to forgive. The first to pray. The first to sacrifice.

It means our children should not have to compete with our careers, our phones, or our hobbies for our attention.

One practical change I made was putting my phone away when I get home. It stays in a drawer until the kids go to bed. No scrolling. No half-listening. Just presence. Because love that is distracted doesn’t feel like love.

I also look for opportunities to drop my kids off at daycare or pick them up. The smiles on their faces when they see me are small reminders that my presence matters more than another email answered. Those are what I’ve come to see as holy moments — ordinary opportunities filled with eternal weight.

My wife has helped me see this more clearly. She reminds me that while providing for our family is important, leading our family spiritually is essential. Leadership in the home is not dominance. It’s responsibility. It’s stewardship. It’s service.

To lead like God the Father also means healing what was broken in us so we don’t pass it down.

I can’t rewrite my childhood. But I can choose what my children experience. I can choose emotional availability. I can choose prayer at the dinner table. I can choose to bless them with my words. I can choose to show them that repentance is strength, not weakness.

Fatherhood has become a path of healing for me.

God has used my wounds to teach me how to lead differently. And in learning to forgive my parents, I’ve come to understand more deeply how God forgives me — fully, patiently, repeatedly.

Our time with our children is short. The years feel long, but they are fleeting. The way we lead today shapes how they will see God tomorrow.

So I’m learning to lead slowly. Intentionally. Prayerfully.

Not perfectly. But faithfully.

If you’re a father reading this, ask yourself:
Am I present?
Am I approachable?
Am I modeling what it looks like to follow Christ?

Because leading like God our Father doesn’t start with authority. It starts with love.

Prayer

Father in Heaven,
Teach us to lead as You lead — with patience, strength, mercy, and truth. Heal the wounds we carry from our own childhoods so we do not pass them on. Help us be present, intentional, and courageous in loving our families well. Form us into fathers who reflect Your heart. Amen.

See you in the Eucharist.