Reflection 29: The Mom I Can Be Right Now

This one is for the moms who work outside the home.

Before I say anything else, this is not meant to minimize stay-at-home moms. The work they do is important. It is exhausting. It is sacred. I honestly cannot fully imagine what it feels like to carry that responsibility twenty four seven.

But this post is for the moms clocking in somewhere else.

The ones who drop their babies off and sit in the car for a second longer than they need to.

The ones who sometimes wonder if they’re neglecting their kids.
The ones who wonder if they’re doing enough.
The ones who feel that quiet jealousy when they see families making homeschooling and one income work.

I see you.

I’ve felt that jealousy too. I’ve wanted to be the mom who stays home. The mom who is physically present for every milestone, every tiny moment, every ordinary Tuesday afternoon. And it hurts sometimes knowing someone else gets hours of my child’s day that I don’t.

And I want you to know — it is okay to feel that.

It is okay to feel torn.
It is okay to feel sad.
It is okay to wish things looked different.

Just like staying home is a heavy burden, working outside the home is a heavy burden. They are different sacrifices, but sacrifices all the same.

For some of us, working is the season we’re in. It’s what allows our household to function, to pay bills, to have insurance, to breathe financially. Sometimes it’s not even about luxury — it’s about stability.

And sometimes, it’s about mental health.

I’ll be honest.

During my maternity leaves, I had extended time at home. With one child I stayed home three months. With another, six weeks. And while those were precious weeks, I also learned something about myself.

My mental health is not strong enough right now to carry the full weight of staying home and homeschooling long term.

Could we make it work financially? Probably, with sacrifices.

But the pressure I would put on myself? The anxiety I already battle? The obsession over milestones, enrichment, whether I’m doing enough, whether I’m failing them — it would consume me. I know myself well enough to admit that.

And the mom I would become under that pressure is not the mom my kids deserve.

When I work and come home tired, yes, I’m tired. But I am mentally healthier. I am more grounded. I am more present in the hours I have. And my kids deserve the best version of me that I can realistically give — not a version crushed under expectations I cannot carry.

The “best” doesn’t mean perfect.
It doesn’t mean endless energy.
It doesn’t mean never dropping the ball.

It means the healthiest version of you in this season.

Maybe one day our situation will change. Maybe one day working from home and homeschooling will be our reality. We’re building toward that slowly. But today? This is our season.

And if this is your season too, I need you to hear this:

You are not failing.

You are not less devoted.
You are not less loving.
You are not less of a mother.

Give yourself grace — the same grace the Lord gives you daily.

He sees your early mornings.
He sees your tired evenings.
He sees the guilt you carry.
He sees the love behind every decision.

This is just a season. Seasons shift. They come and they go faster than we expect.

And in the meantime, showing up — trying — loving your children the best you can with what you have today?

That is enough.