Reflection 52: United In Calling

Marriage has a way of reshaping our dreams.

Before children, our ambitions made sense individually. Kierston and I both had clear visions for our futures. She felt called into leadership within higher education, and I was pursuing a path toward city management. At the time, those goals felt aligned with who we were and where we believed God was leading us.

And maybe, for that season, they were.

But once we entered into marriage and then welcomed children into our lives, something began to shift. Slowly at first, and then more clearly over time, we started to realize that our calling was no longer centered on what we could accomplish individually. It became centered on who we were being asked to form.

Parenthood changes everything.

It calls you out of yourself. It stretches your time, your energy, your priorities, and even your identity. It forces you to confront the question: What actually matters most? Not just for today, but for eternity.

We began to see that our primary responsibility is not climbing a ladder or building a name for ourselves. It is raising souls. It is creating a home where our children can encounter Christ, learn virtue, and grow in holiness. And that kind of work cannot be done halfway. It requires intention. It requires sacrifice. It requires unity.

I have heard it said many times that a wife is a helper to her husband, and a husband to his wife. For a long time, I did not fully understand that. I think I viewed it more as support in a general sense. But now I see something deeper.

We are not just supporting each other’s individual dreams. We are helping each other fulfill a shared mission.

That means we cannot live as two separate people moving in parallel directions. If we are not discerning together, praying together, and making decisions together, then we are not fully living out the unity that marriage calls us into. God does not call spouses into competition or independence. He calls them into communion.

And that realization has changed the way we look at everything.

It has led us to ask hard questions about our careers, our time, and the way we structure our lives. Are we building a life that supports our vocation, or one that constantly pulls us away from it? Are we saying yes to things that look good on paper, but ultimately distract from what matters most?

We have started to feel a pull toward something different. A life that is more intentional. More centered on family. More rooted in faith. A life that prioritizes presence over productivity, and formation over comfort.

That might mean making changes that do not make sense to the world. It might mean stepping away from certain ambitions or redefining what success looks like for our family. It might mean taking risks or embracing a path that feels uncertain.

But obedience to God’s call is always worth it.

We are learning to hold our plans loosely and trust that God is guiding us, not just as individuals, but as a family. That He is not asking us to give something up without offering something greater in return.

This is part of why we have started sharing more of our lives and reflections. Because we know we are not the only ones asking these questions. So many families feel the tension between what the world promotes and what their hearts are being drawn toward.

We do not have all the answers. We are still discerning. Still learning. Still growing.

But one thing has become clear:

We do not want to follow God separately.
We want to follow Him together.

United in calling. United in purpose. And committed, above all else, to leading our family toward heaven.