Reflection 53: Teaching Our Children To Be Heard

I grew up in a household where children were meant to be seen and not heard. If I was upset or wanted to cry, I was often sent to my room. Emotions were not something we talked through. They were something we were expected to manage quietly and on our own.

At the time, I did not fully understand how much that would affect me. But looking back, I can see how it shaped who I became. I grew more reserved. I struggled to speak up for myself. I did not always feel comfortable sharing what I was truly thinking or feeling, especially with my parents.

That became even more evident during difficult seasons, like my parents’ divorce. I often held back my thoughts because I did not want to hurt either of them. I did not want to say the wrong thing or make things worse. But as children, we should not carry that kind of weight. We should not feel responsible for protecting our parents from our emotions.

Because of that upbringing, I have had to learn, even as an adult, how to understand and manage my emotions. For a long time, I only recognized the basics: happy, sad, mad, or scared. But there is so much more to what we feel, and if we are never taught how to identify those emotions, it becomes difficult to process them in a healthy way.

Recently, my wife started reading a book about raising emotionally strong children, and one of the ideas she shared really stood out to me. She suggested using an emotions wheel to help our kids express what they are feeling. Even if they cannot fully explain it, they can begin to identify it.

That simple tool opened my eyes. If a child can learn to recognize and express their emotions early, it can shape how they communicate, how they build relationships, and how they navigate challenges later in life.

It even affects their relationship with God.

If we are raised to suppress our emotions, how do we cry out to God in prayer? How do we bring Him our struggles, our fears, or our needs? If we never learned how to open up with our own parents, it can feel unnatural to open up to Him.

I will be the first to admit that I do not always get this right with my own kids. There are moments where I fall back into old habits. But I am learning. I am trying to be more intentional, more present, and more patient.

As parents, we have a responsibility to help our children understand their emotions, not dismiss them. We need to guide them, teach them, and give them the tools to express themselves in a healthy way.

And this is not just for parents. Grandparents and extended family play a role too. They do not have to do everything exactly the same way, but being aware of how we are approaching emotions allows them to support that growth rather than unintentionally work against it.

At the end of the day, none of us are going to do this perfectly. But we can choose to grow. We can choose to break patterns that were not helpful. We can choose to create something better for our children.

That starts with being willing to listen.

To create space.

And to remind our children that they are not just seen.

They are heard.